I suffered postpartum depression and didn't know it

By 10:57:00 PM , , ,



I started watching blackish over the summer, I got all caught up so it's obvious now I'm hooked to the new fall scheduling.
This week episode was a heavy 30 minutes about postpartum depression.
It's been 8-9 years since I've had my kids and the story was firing triggers on all cylinders.
Everything Bow was going through I was thinking wait I went through that.
I remember crying all the time, granted I had a lotta crap going at the time so my crying was justified, I never associated the crying with postpartum.
I remember being afraid all the time.

I couldn't put the baby down. I was afraid she was gonna stop breathing if I wasn't looking at her every second of every day and night. As a result, I never sleep, even when she started sleeping.

And watching Bow dealing with Ruby... Lawd I had several "Rubies"!
I was fighting for my right to breastfeed, whether to bathe the baby or not, whether I should wash her hair and when.
Feeding the baby solid or not
It was so overwhelming!
I was so tired of fighting I caved and let one of my relatives gave my baby some nasty oil concoction that was supposed to "clean" her stomach. 

My baby ended up having an upset tummy and cried all night. I felt soooo guilty! I was weak and tired, instead of protecting my child and do what I thought was best for her I caved to the pushing of family and now she was in pain!
Boy, I lost it and lashed out at all them

In the show, we saw Bow lashing out at Ruby and kicked her out, and later on, Ruby came back and apologize for her behavior and it ended in a sweet hug that may have brought them closer because it's TV and tv has to be warm and fuzzy.
But reality?

My "Rubies" never apologize many of them freeze me out for my insolence because in their eyes I'm still a 10-year-old girl they can tell what to do. 

I'm not having any more babies but if I was at least I'm sure I would be free of "Rubies"
Anyway, that episode was a mean trigger. 

I hope I file these events under my "do not forget" files in my brain so I can be the best support system for my girls or any younger woman who may need me in the future.

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